В разделе представлены английские шутки и анекдоты на разнообразные темы.
Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well... yes and no.
Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!"
Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk....
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run...
Father: What did you do today to help your mother?
Son: I dried the dishes.
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.
A: Look at your face! I know what you had for breakfast.
B: What was it?
B: No, that was yesterday.
A: Why are all those people running?
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running?
Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?
B: It's because your feet aren't empty.